Funerals. I hate them and then, I sort of like them. Let me explain.
I like the beauty and smell of the flowers, the craftsmanship of the casket, the music, the songs and eulogies of heart felt remembrance. I like how nothing can bring a family or group of strangers together quiet like a funeral. I like the genuine hugging, the kind touches, the soft words meant to bring comfort. But, that is about all that I like about funerals. I hate everything else about them!
I am not good at letting go. I am not good at saying goodbye when I know that it's forever, or a really long time. I'm not good at sitting in that pew and remembering the person alive; memories of both the good times and the bad times turn me into a basket case. I am not good at keeping my emotions in check, nor am I good at not allowing the emotions of others to effect me. I can barely contain myself when I see the deceased in the casket, or know that their earthly body is closed up in that box or their ashes rest in an urn on a pretty little table with their picture displayed beside it. I want to scream, I want to bawl and do so loudly with snot spilling forth from my nose and tears dripping off my chin as I fall on the floor because my legs will no longer hold me up. Or, I want to stand up and dash out of that place and never look back.
I also hate the bullshit...the deception of, "She was a saint!" or "He was such a good man!", when I know in fact that she was a a witch from Hades and he was a cold-hearted, mean s.o.b.. The fake tears and fake sadness by those people who, you know for a fact, hated the dead person with a passion.
I also hate the funeral preaching. I REALLY hate the preaching at a funeral! In my opinion, it is utterly ridiculous to try to get people saved at a funeral. I wonder, what do these long-winded opportunistic preachers have in mind? An altar call right next to the casket? Or, are they trying to preach Uncle Lucifer into Heaven? Scare the Baptists into converting to Pentecost? Make the Atheist believe there is a Higher Power and if they don't straighten up that Higher Power will kill them, just like He killed poor old pagan Aunt Bessie who may, or may not, be burning in hell like molten lava?
I once went to the funeral of a relative who was a turd if there ever was a human turd. The first hour the preachers (there were several) spoke of what a good, kind, sweet man he was to the point that one of us voiced that maybe someone needed to get up and go check inside that casket to make sure we were at the right funeral! The next hour was spent preaching, and I'm pretty sure the preachers touched on just about every book of the bible during their sermons. By the time they concluded the sermon, I mean service, we were all so tired and miserable that even those who frowned upon alcohol and tobacco were considering going out for a case of beer and a carton of cigarettes!
I hate the dishonesty of many funeral eulogies. A lie is a lie is a lie, no matter how you tell it or why you tell it...a lie is wrong, Period! A lie about a dead person doesn't make that person any better or get them into Heaven if they aren't already there.
I hate the guilt of a funeral. It is said that you are supposed to go to a funeral, or a viewing, to pay your last respects to the deceased and offer support to the family and/or loved ones who remain. Well, you either did or didn't respect the deceased when they were alive and could see and hear you, but I just don't think 'paying respects' to a dead body does them any good. A funeral does allow one to say good bye, see for themselves that the person is really gone, but paying last respects to the deceased? You are doing it for you, maybe to ease your guilt or say goodbye for you. Your dead friend or relative is dead. They don't care if you show 'respect' or piss on the flowers. They aren't there.
Showing support for those left behind? Maybe, maybe not. If I'm going to feel their pain and turn into a bawling, snotty, wailing cow, (and I will), I just don't see how that can be supportive to anyone. Of course, there is my morbid sense of humor as well...It shows up at the most inopportune of times, (when I'm sad and nervous), and never fails to offend someone. So, why even set everyone up for that? Why put others through that?
I hate having to dress up for funerals. It never fails that someone will die at the most financially trying of times and you look around in your closet, your husband's closet and the closets of your kids and realize that none of you have anything 'funerally' to wear! You or your husband, or both of you, not only lack extra money, but you are going to have to take off work and then go shop for funeral clothes for the entire family with grocery, mortgage and car payment money. No, no one should attend a funeral in a tee shirt and bermuda shorts with flip flops. However, if going to a funeral is more important than putting food in the mouths of your kids and paying for the roof over your heads and the car you need to go back and forth to work, there is a serious problem. Oh, you can plan ahead and buy everyone a suit of nice clothes for a funeral and hopefully someone will die so that you get a chance to wear them before the kids grow and you and your husband gain or lose weight!
Fourteen years ago I bought two nice black dresses to wear to funerals in hopes that I would never be caught off guard again by the thoughtless death of someone. Eleven years ago I stopped smoking and two years later I had gained fifty pounds. Those dresses still hang in my closet. They fit the hangers as well as they ever did, they just no longer fit me!
Tell those you love that you do. Show respect to those you care about while they can still look you in the eye. Say what you want to say while they can hear you. Hug them while they can hug you back. Give them flowers while their noses are still able to smell them. Tell people about Jesus and let them see Jesus in your life while they can still make a conscious choice to accept Him or deny Him. And, if you fail to do these things and those people die, leaving you riddled with guilt, vow to do better with the next person. Make some changes in your life so that when the next person passes you can know in your heart that you did better this time and there was nothing left unsaid or undone.
Just remember...Some people actually enjoy funerals and weddings. (I'll get to weddings another time.) Some people attend funerals and weddings like some people attend Friday night football games and Saturday night beer joints. It's their 'fun' thing to do, to be seen and to see, and they relish in the sadness of a funeral and the joy of a wedding. We see nothing wrong with these people, nothing at all. Therefore, people shouldn't see anything wrong with those of us who don't attend funerals or weddings. Some of us don't attend Friday night football games or go to beer joints, either.
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